Previously, I discussed celebrating the small things whenever the opportunity should arise. It's that time of year again, when the weather shifts in mysterious ways and we can never know what to expect. This brings out a lot of peoples' seasonal depression and finding a reason, however mundane, can help tremendously. Another thing that can shift a mood in an instant is music. To me, life is not worth doing without music.
Music has been a constant in my life since I was very little, just as visual arts has been. I enjoy several genres of music and in the spring I love listening to hard rock and metal with a little Sublime thrown into the mix. I started with Slipknot early this month and now I have the new Papa Roach album, Crooked Teeth, on repeat in my car. We've been watching a lot of Breaking Bad, and I can't help but think about Jesse Pinkman when listening to this new album. It's very emotional and urges me to think about all of the loss and turmoil I've endured throughout life. Cathartic? Maybe a little bit, but it's more than that when being confronted by old heart-wrenching memories. I need to feel them, and some music helps me to face it in a way that I appreciate. Crash/Love by AFI was paramount to my grieving process when it was released in 2009. We all have memories that more unpleasant than others. Mine are different from yours, but we basically share the fundamental emotions these trials induce.
I am a very passionate person, and my emotions rule me. I'm a scorpio on the cusp with libra. I've been told on more than one occasion that I am too intense. However much I feel something, I stay aware that others feel too. We all feel misery and joy. Some of us are better at explaining these feelings, or simply sharing them with others than some of our counterparts. For whatever reason you feel pain and misery or loss, you feel it. It's okay. Everyone talks about the grieving process. But quite simply, we have to process through all of our emotions whether they are good or bad.
There is, in all of us, a darkness. Sometimes, it gets the better of us. Other times, we rise against and become better in spite of it. It's okay to have darkness. Don't let it consume you or the good in you. And on occasion, remember it. For it makes us who we are.
"And now I'm running from the scene
'Cause I was caught up in the crime
It's a loaded memory
Yeah, it kills me every time
And I'm trying not to scream
But it's eating me alive
I'm still haunted by the best years of
The best years of my life"
~Jacoby Shaddix
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