Remember the Darkness

I know it's been a while, again.  I find myself thinking about time in all its increments quite a bit lately.  I lost focus and start things that go unfinished to start other things in my spare time.  Spare time being any time that I am not working or traveling to earn my paycheck.

Previously, I discussed celebrating the small things whenever the opportunity should arise.  It's that time of year again, when the weather shifts in mysterious ways and we can never know what to expect.  This brings out a lot of peoples' seasonal depression and finding a reason, however mundane, can help tremendously.  Another thing that can shift a mood in an instant is music.  To me, life is not worth doing without music.

Music has been a constant in my life since I was very little, just as visual arts has been.  I enjoy several genres of music and in the spring I love listening to hard rock and metal with a little Sublime thrown into the mix.  I started with Slipknot early this month and now I have the new Papa Roach album, Crooked Teeth, on repeat in my car.  We've been watching a lot of Breaking Bad, and I can't help but think about Jesse Pinkman when listening to this new album.  It's very emotional and urges me to think about all of the loss and turmoil I've endured throughout life.  Cathartic?  Maybe a little bit, but it's more than that when being confronted by old heart-wrenching memories.  I need to feel them, and some music helps me to face it in a way that I appreciate.  Crash/Love by AFI was paramount to my grieving process when it was released in 2009.  We all have memories that more unpleasant than others.  Mine are different from yours, but we basically share the fundamental emotions these trials induce.

I am a very passionate person, and my emotions rule me.  I'm a scorpio on the cusp with libra.  I've been told on more than one occasion that I am too intense.  However much I feel something, I stay aware that others feel too.  We all feel misery and joy.  Some of us are better at explaining these feelings, or simply sharing them with others than some of our counterparts.  For whatever reason you feel pain and misery or loss, you feel it.  It's okay.  Everyone talks about the grieving process.  But quite simply, we have to process through all of our emotions whether they are good or bad.

There is, in all of us, a darkness.  Sometimes, it gets the better of us.  Other times, we rise against and become better in spite of it.  It's okay to have darkness.  Don't let it consume you or the good in you.  And on occasion, remember it.  For it makes us who we are.

"And now I'm running from the scene

'Cause I was caught up in the crime

It's a loaded memory

Yeah, it kills me every time

And I'm trying not to scream

But it's eating me alive

I'm still haunted by the best years of

The best years of my life"

~Jacoby Shaddix

Dead Space

As we are getting ready to draw a close on April 2017, I find I have not posted any updates in quite some time!

There are reasons:  Some of it is that I started a new job, and have other pressing commitments.  However, some of it is laziness.  Hey, I try to be an honest person!  Laziness is my biggest flaw, flat out.  Trying to quash it from its existence in my life may be a bit too big of an ask.  But I'm doing my best to keep it at a minimum.

Currently, I am working as a senior portrait photographer for Lifetouch.  When I am scheduled to work, it's crazy hours where I have be out of the house early and don't return until late in the evening.  I really enjoy it though!  I get to travel to different high schools and colleges/universities and work with different people all the time.  Every day is an adventure.  Each student I photograph is different, and it makes my work continuously different.

John & I have also started a new enterprise!  You can find Resplendent Relics on Facebook and Etsy; and you can find Triple Moon Relics solely on Etsy.  They are both still a work in progress, but I am happy to report we had our first two sales this past week!

I have been wrapped up in music over the past several months.  AFI released The Blood Album, and Dreamcar has their debut self titled album available for pre-order with immediate digital access to three tracks!  311 album Mosaic has also been pre-ordered via Pledge Music.  And I recently found myself immersed in Biffy Clyro.  Over the winter months I was also getting myself back into singing!  Singing has always been one of my passions, and I dabbled here and there but never thought too seriously about it.  It didn't work out with the group, different people wanting different things.  But I intend to continue working on vocal technique and finding a good fit in a group who is looking to perform.

I have also been vacationing, recovering from injuries, and learning some new poi techniques/tricks as well over my extended absence here.  John & I are getting excited for the summer weather so we can go out and practice poi, slack line, and hopefully, hula.  Flow arts are a great total body exercise as well as being cathartic and meditative.

What have you been up to?  I'd love to hear from you!